Whew . . . that was one hell of an opening statement, I thought, but it sure woke me up. I reflected on the modest success I had achieved and convinced myself that I must not be a total loser. But still . . . it made me wonder . . . exactly as the speaker intended!
He went on. “Either way, what are you going to do about it?” This guy never gives up, I thought. He’s making me very uncomfortable, not at all like the usual boring seminars I was required to attend as part of my new job.
I think he really expects me to learn something this time! And it didn’t look like he was going to guit until I did.
Okay, okay, so now he’s got my attention. What now?
The speaker continued.
“The “natural born salesman” is a myth. It doesn’t mean anything. Sales is not some mechanical process where you robotically just go through the motions. It takes a live communication between you and the prospect. And further, if you’re not interested in what you’re selling and interested in helping the prospect, you should quit right now! And I mean right now. Get up and walk out of this meeting now and find another job. I can’t help you. So, just get up and leave!”
Hey, he’s not getting rid of me that easy, I thought. So I quietly stayed in my seat along with everyone else in the seminar. But by now, we all knew this guy meant business.
But wait a minute. Something dawned on me as my early morning fog began to lift, freeing me from my miasma of ignorance. He had just subtly (if dramatically) accomplished two important things all in a space of less than 2 minutes.
He got our attention and our agreement that we were there to learn something. That had never happened before in any other meetings. Maybe this guy did have something I could learn.
Thus began one of the most important days in my career in selling. I saw the importance of live communication – meaning it wasn’t canned, pre-programmed, rehearsed or anything. This guy really meant what he was saying. He wasn’t interested in wasting his time patty-caking some pantywaist dilettantes who weren’t serious about learning how to sell better. He was interested in helping us learn something and improve!
And . . . was it my imagination, or did his tone seem to soften once he saw that we all were now interested in what he was saying?
He went on, “Losing is an addiction. If you’re a dedicated loser, no amount of failure is enough. You’ll keep trying to lose no matter what comes your way.”
“Some people are hard-wired to lose; they expect to lose and they keep working at it until they do. Winners are hard-wired to win: they expect to win, and they don’t give up until they do.” He said.
There’s that word “expect” again, I thought. I wonder what he really means by that. I shouldn’t have been surprised when the next topic was the general subject of “expectancy: positive or negative?”
EXPECTANCIES
Unsuccessful people seem to be following their destiny. And they’re really doing a great job at not succeeding. Even though they complain incessantly, they seem to have a bit of pride in the fact that they are able to endure loss, inequity and injustices that come their way.
Also, even when given the benefit of enhanced knowledge, training or experience, the individuals in this group seem to not be able to apply or use this to any advantage.
Yet, people in the other group, the successful one, somehow seem to be able to turn any situation into a win for themselves and anyone connected with them. Whether you call it luck, karma or fate, it seems to shine on them.
What then, is the fundamental causal difference in these two types of people?
To begin, you have to look for what is not visible, where the real secret will be discovered.
The answer will be found in the concept of a, “positive expectation.” Winners have this innate expectation that they will succeed and tend to anticipate success as a natural course of events. You can sense it and feel it and know it’s present when you’re around someone who has it.
Winners may not always have been on top, but all of them “expected” to win. A quote from Isiah Thomas, world champion, basketball star, illustrates this point.
“I’ve always believed no matter how many shots I miss, I’m going to make the next one.” – Isiah Thomas
How you see yourself is often the causative consideration monitoring all success or failure. It provides the energy, focus and internal demand to do whatever is necessary to make it happen.
Another great quote by endurance biking world-champion, Lance Armstrong, tells the story best:
“What makes a great endurance athlete is the ability to absorb potential embarrassment, and to suffer without complaint. I was discovering that if it was a matter of gritting my teeth, not caring how it looked, and outlasting everybody else, I won. It didn’t seem to matter what sport it was–in a straight-ahead, long-distant race, I could beat anybody. If it was a suffer-fest, I was good at it.” – Lance Armstrong, My Journey back to Life
Winning is a process, not just the final outcome. It is a series of small steps, interconnected that have to be successfully completed in turn to obtain the final result. When done in this manner, the winning step is easy to take. Dedicated winners have this concept ingrained and hard-wired into their psyche. They don’t even think of it as odd or unusual, to them it’s “normal.” They are “hard-wired” for success.
The practice it takes to perfect any skill is a joy to them. They love the process as much as they do the product, perhaps even more. They are never in doubt about the outcome, and are not thrown by small defeats. They regroup, figure out what they can improve and get back in the game. Winning becomes their destiny!
Once in a great while, by some fluke, someone who always expected to just “run the race” ends up crossing the finish line first. But as they never really expected to win, they find it difficult to move beyond that one “win.” They talk about it for years, telling everyone about it exhaustively. It never wears out, it was that unexpected! But, they never seem to be able to repeat it. That one “win” was the once in a lifetime event for them. They don’t ever expect to be in that position again, and they never are!
It’s a matter of expectancy. Positive expectancy is common with winners. They take it for granted. They expect it and usually get it. Negative expectancy is also just as common. It becomes a way of life to some people. They just “know” they’re lose or at best, come in second. They actually are participating in a prediction of the future. In each case, they are predicting their own future outcome.
POSITIONING
A unique application of the well-known marketing tool of “positioning” (meaning the slot that a certain product holds in the mind) might provide a new way of looking at this premise.
Simply put, take a look at how you are viewed by yourself (not necessarily others). What position do you hold in your own mind?
Be honest with yourself. Do you really see yourself as a winner? Can you see yourself accepting the award? Or winning the top prize? Do you really expect to win? Do you have a positive anticipation every time? Do a little survey of yourself; estimate how you really view yourself. What you find might hold the key.
If you do find yourself in the positive position, you need to strengthen this attribute. The first step is to acknowledge and recognize it as an asset to be guarded and used to advantage.
If you find yourself in the negative position, you have found out something very important, something that can change your life. It will require some training on your part, but it’s not difficult.
You will have to form a new habit. You can’t get rid of the old negative habit, but you can form a new one to take its place. Gradually, the old habit will fall away and the new one will take its place. You will have established a new “hard-wired” expectancy and behavior as a winner.
What you have to do is spend at least some time every day visualizing yourself winning something you desire. Get the idea of how it feels, how it would affect your life and so on. Make it as real as you can. Do this every day, then forget about it for the rest of the day. Don’t try to think about it when you’re going about your regular business. Just be sure to spend some time every day visualizing yourself as a winner. Eventually, the new habit will creep in to your thinking without effort and the old one will fall into disuse.
Once you decide that you want to change your “luck” and enter the winning side for a change, you’re well on your way. If you start looking for little ways in which you are a winner and validating them, they tend to grow into bigger and bigger things.
You’ll soon be constantly on the lookout for more evidence to support the concept.
Even when you’re temporarily stopped or slowed on his path toward success, when you begin to see yourself as a winner, you start seeing obstacles as opportunities to expand further rather than reasons why you stopped.
Whatever the source, this conclusion or evaluation of oneself, by oneself, is the primary factor leading to success or lack of it in your life. You don’t need to look any further for the person you have to change is right in front of you when you look in the mirror each morning.
What you are being right now, whether a winner or loser, will create your own future. The choice is yours.
daniel w. jacobs
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